Bye, Dad

My Dad loved every silly and pointless post on here and now he's gone.  It makes me really sad that I won't hear from him about it anymore.

I love him so much and moving on with the next post as if nothing happened makes my heart ache as just as much as it does to try to express how amazing he was --knowing it won't be enough.   My words aren't good enough to really say how much I loved his sense of humor and smile or how much I admired him for his calm approach and kindness or how time passed so quickly during our long talks about what we see when we step back and look at life.

It's better sometimes to look ahead at what's to come-- that I will see my Dad in heaven.

My hope is in the fact that I believe without a doubt that God is good. Shall not the creator of all the world do right?

When loved ones suffer, it's the perfect opportunity to re-learn that God is just and merciful and for remembering that His ways are higher than mine and his thoughts are higher than my thoughts.  I am a person that really prefers to understand things, and I am also a person than can trust God knows better than me. 

I believe my father accepted Jesus. He was a scientist through and through and said once to me that we can't really know anything that happens after we die... which is what I used to think also.  He humbled himself so greatly at the end of his life. He was broken. He even said that he felt somehow the pain in his chest was a taste of what Jesus suffered for him. This was totally new, not prompted by me, insight from my Dad who has always been so private and acted like proselytizing was a dirty word. I get that, though.

He said on one of his better days, "I think I'm feeling better because I did.... such and such...." and then, a couple of days later asked to talk to me to make a point to say that his improvement was not from something he did, but that it was thanks to many prayers. That is a really humble step.  He didn't need to tell me, but he did.  

Now he is free from all of the pains of this world and this comforts me.   

We lit sky lanterns to remember him.
It was a bit sketchy to send off little balls of fire
over a dry field.

Thank you, God, for my awesome dad and your righteous Son.

The boys playing on tanks in their fancy pants.